So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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