im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
