I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Found your dick twin last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize