If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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