she woke up with a sticky ear
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
