Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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