Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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