nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
