Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
