oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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