Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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