Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
