Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
