just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
