i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nutella sex= disaster
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
