Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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