"it" just moved
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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