for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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