I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
