dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
