I hate all girls vehemently.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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