somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I believe in your delicious
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
