I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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