I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
