new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize