i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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