dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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