yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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