so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
