I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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