At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
