You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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