So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
