We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
