you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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