if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
