I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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