He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
