at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
