can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
