his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
