i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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