Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
