i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
