my vag is so smooth its legendary
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
