so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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