I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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