Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
