RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
