I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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