his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So vagazzling was a success
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
