you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
