she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
