My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had to cum in my sink.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
