I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
