I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
