So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
