a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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