I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
