Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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