If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
