and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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