Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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