Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
