Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
