I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
