If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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