1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
