he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
