loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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