whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
