Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
