dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
