just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
