I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
